How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids
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How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids
- Brand: Unbranded
Description
W – Wednesday = Washing, whether it’s doing a load of laundry, washing dishes, or cleaning the bathroom. One of these friends, a great friend of mine from high school and new mom of a perfect baby boy, sent me a recommendation to check out a book she was reading: Jancee Dunn’s How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids. I have supervised a team of clinical counsellors since 2018 with the Boys and Girls Clubs of South Coast B. Dunn and her husband went to couples therapy—and even consulted with an FBI crisis negotiator—to learn to fight fair, and to fight away from their daughter. This information puts mothers, even on day one of parenthood, way ahead of fathers in terms of know-how and expertise.
I have a glimpse at how difficult those days, months or years can be with intrusive thoughts and feelings of being generally “unwell”. My husband and I long ago agreed that we would each get a half-day off, every weekend, in which we could sleep in and had no childcare or housekeeping responsibilities.
After Jancee Dunn had her baby, she found that she was doing virtually all the household chores, even though she and her husband worked equal hours. Essentially, the three-step process involves giving immediate attention to the other person when they’re experiencing a big feeling, labelling the feeling they’re experiencing and then identifying what led to that emotion surfacing. This is particularly true when you consider the aforementioned gender roles and their sneaky nature. Two months into our daughter’s existence, my husband, Tom, and I nearly came to blows over whose turn it was to empty the Diaper Genie, whose plastic entrails had become bloated and coiled like a postprandi The book is humorous and provides actionable recommendations for couples who share a similar struggle as Jancee and her family.
While it’s perfectly normal to feel anger from time to time (you’re human after all), long-standing resentment and steady dissatisfaction in your relationship has serious costs. I’ve worked on showing empathy while articulating things that might exhaust him too—a full-time job where he is constantly on his feet, chronic knee pain and a long commute—and, of course, recognizing that he is a huge help with the kids in a myriad of ways. She said, “And sometimes you have to laugh because the paraphrasing is wildly off—‘You’re angry because I stepped around you while you were emptying the dishwasher’—‘ No, I’m angry because you stood there jingling your keys and saying let’s go instead of offering to help. The parent can do whatever they want during that time– sleep in, exercise, nothing at all, without comment from their partner.In my family, every penny was tightly budgeted, so I was reluctant to spend money on anything that wasn’t a basic necessity. I had grown so childcentric that my motivation to stop fighting was about our daughter, but I now see that Tom is the ally I didn’t know I had. He regularly charges my phone, backs up my computer and updates my apps — all of which I hate doing.
- Fruugo ID: 258392218-563234582
- EAN: 764486781913
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